


Restraint

by Yeoyou



Series: First A Kiss [6]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Snake has trouble accepting the inevitable, because duh ... of course you're gonna kiss the nerd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yeoyou/pseuds/Yeoyou
Summary: Snake prides himself on his restraint and strategic thinking. Both fail him when confronted with a cute nerd that somehow steals his heavily guarded heart. [Snot Week 2017, 6]





	

It was one of those moments that were seared into his brain, existing without _before_ or _after_. Just Hal turning on his chair, pushing his glasses back up his nose and saying, with a surprised sort of conviction: “Of course! We're friends!”

It was one of those moments that quietly accumulated meaning with every passing day until it stood like a mountain in his memories, rooted in the depths of his soul.

_Friends_. The word had dropped like a stone into Snake's mind and sent ripples into every hidden recess. Affecting everything.

Snake had never had many friends. And, shaping the word's definition around what he and Hal had, he wasn't sure he'd ever had any at all. He'd never thought he needed any. Comrades and colleagues and partners filling his meagre need for socialising easy enough.

He'd never have applied the term to their relationship if Hal hadn't brought it up. But now that it had buried itself in every nerve, it was hard to shake it again.

_Friends_. It was a dangerous word in their line of work but maybe also a necessary one. Because friends trusted and cared and–

–and that was the problem. Because Snake did care. Too much maybe.

Snake was used to waiting, to carefully gauge the right moment. Restraint a necessary tool for every soldier if he wanted to survive. He'd always been good at that. Never the need for nervous fidgeting.

_Restraint_. It was a violent word. Being bound, binding oneself. To keep from moving, to keep from doing the wrong thing. Snake didn't know how to tie the knots tighter without strangling himself. No leash strong enough to fetter his desire or to shackle his longing.

What use was tying himself up if all it did was make him feel bound even closer to Hal. Every chain only leading back to the skinny nerd.

Sometimes, Snake hated being cautious, calculating risks and mapping escape routes. It only made him too aware of how wrong wanting Hal was. How it not only endangered their partnership, but their mission as well. There were a million things that could go wrong and not the smallest part of them because of how inept he was when it came to relationships. To romance and love and all that kitsch. Which was probably exactly what Hal wanted. Holding hands and staring lovingly into each other's eyes. Snake was no good at that. Never knew the right words when it came to his own emotions. He craved the same thing he was afraid of. Intimacy. A true emotional connection.

Because he knew that at the end of that road, there could only be pain. Pain, because it wouldn't work out. Pain, because life was short and dangerous. Pain, because they were born to lose.

Love and Fuck and Pain. Four letter words that battled in his brain. A roaring storm hidden behind calm features. And Time was running out. Four more letters writing misery. Because his longing grew stronger by the minute and at some point even he wouldn't be able to fight it any longer.

Hal had once asked him if love could bloom even on a battlefield. Now, Snake discovered that love _was_ a battlefield. The one enemy he couldn't defeat. Because she'd long sneaked past all his defences and had hewn her claws straight into his soul. Dislodging her now would mean ripping his heart out.

He was doomed to lose this battle. He knew that. The question was when and how. If he was lucky, he and Hal would manage to be happy for a little while. If he wasn't, he might lose the only friend he'd ever had.

But the ropes were fraying.

He haunted Hal with hungry looks whenever he felt sure he wasn't being observed. And Hal was not a very observant person. Casual touches grew more frequent, grew more lingering. It was playing with fire he couldn't avoid.

It was burning away his last reserves.

All it took was for Hal to say it again. That they were friends.

_Friends_. A dangerous word full of hope and pitfalls and Snake finally stumbled.

Release had never tasted sweeter than Hal's lips.


End file.
